Hey Guys! Hope everyone had a great weekend. I know I did. It’s hard to have fun in a place like this but lord knows, I do my best. I had a few, and I had a few too many :) but that’s nothing new! So by request I was asked my view on women vs men. Wow. Thank you for being so specific and not vague at all….I think I’m going to pull a William Faulkner and just see what happens…okay..
Lets see….since it’s the holiday season, lets talk about gift giving. Ahhh yes. It’s the reason for the season is it not? Women say guys are hard to buy for. Bullshit. Guys are very easy to buy for, women just always find a way to screw it up. Its very simple, y’all just over think things; make them complicated…Whats new? Ladies when your looking for your man/brother/uncle a gift this holiday season, buy him something he can use. Like a pack of rubbers for instance …KIDDING..but really……Get them something they can show off to there buddies. Like a pistol ..yeah. With something badass on it that they’ll never use. Example: a laser. What guy doesn’t want a pistol w/ a f*cking laser on it! Okay I really don’t want a pistol so im not asking for one but say I open up my present and theres a pistol with a laser on it, I now love weapons of mass destruction. It’s in a man’s DNA!!! One year I got two scarfs….ahmmmm…you read it right; scarf’s. Which is pleural meaning I was pissed; twice. You know how hard it is to fake a smile with two scarf’s in your hands?! How do I put this. It’s like smiling while getting kicked in the sack. It’s like smiling while you’re getting a Brazilian wax to your downstairs. These are the situations when you say to yourself “I should cheat”…no no, I don’t ever agree with cheaters and their ways, just saying, I wouldn’t blame the fella if he broke some off. Especially if he was wearing the scarfs at the time, that would be grand…I digress….
But seriously ladies there are some things that a man wants that he never knew he even wanted. For instance a corn-cob pipe..a bathroom reader full of useless facts (us guys always want to know things that will never come in handy)….razors…led zeppelin IV cd….a bodybuilder picture with our head cropped on it…plastic cups for spitunes (snuff dip cups if you are unfamiliar with the lingo)….Texas ranger tickets…a playboy magazine (hustler if y’all are really close)…a good sleeping bag…white Oakley sunglasses (if he’s a douche…which I will comment on white sunglasses in future posts so be ready)…if he does ecstasy on the weekends, get him a catholic rosary…cause that seems to be the trend..if hes a smoker, get a nicotine patch package and hide cigarettes in it…he will be so excited and know your heart is in the right place..i know by buddy Kurt Horton would…SEE ladies, guys are very simple to buy for…don’t ask his mom because chances are, shes got two scarfs packaged up under the tree right now!!!
Until next time friends….A Cunningham
very good, i do have a pipe for you. sharon logsdon
Anonymous
December 6, 2010 at 11:11 PM
good info austin, thanks!
brenda cunningham
December 7, 2010 at 5:33 PM